So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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