he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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