So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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