R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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