my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
