He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
