He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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