I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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