when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did I show you my penis last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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