I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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