Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
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I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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