My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
