I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this will be a night to untag.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
