We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
