Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
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I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I supernannyed him into submission
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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