Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
