and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
