I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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