I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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