im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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