I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
