be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
