Someone shit on the floor
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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