i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
