Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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