So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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