things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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