I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
