The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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