yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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