I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
