respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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