Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
