dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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