hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
