Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
