I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
