I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
