What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it was like eating out sand paper
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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