I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I touched a dick in church today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
