I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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