so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
