Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize