Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
