We named our party play list daddy issues
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
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I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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