He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
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I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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