Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
