Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
