Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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