He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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