Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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