I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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