On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
