You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
