Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
