I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
