It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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