so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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