I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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