Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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