I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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