I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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