Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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