take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
