I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
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