That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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